Suburban Thief

Suburban life has reduced Brian to crime. We came home last night from an outing with the kids to find miniature American flags positioned perfectly at each mailbox entering our subdivision. Other neighborhoods get amazing pools, playgrounds or walking trails to show for their association fees - evidently we get small flags. Well, actually, WE did not. We were one of only two homes in the entire subdivision that did not get a tiny flag. WHATHEHECK?!?!

Have we already broken some unspoken suburban rule? Was it the patch of weeds in our front flowerbeds? Or, the growing oil spots usually hidden under our van - our van that has seen better days...way, way better days? Could it be that Brian upset someone while joyriding the kids around the yard on the lawn tractor - the tractor that happens to sound like a small aircraft about to take to flight? Or have we offended the gardeners that surround our home by allowing our backyard to be the single haven for bunnies in the neighborhood? Yes, our neighbors shoot the bunnies -with arrows, with guns, with all the various weapons of choice people in suburbia turn to when the bunnies come out to attack. Perhaps the bass boat that remains parked in our drive ready for any and all emergency fishing trips is what caused hard feelings among our new community. Ooor, was it the mulch the kids spread evenly over the span of the cul-de-sac, the dandelion patch in our front yard that appears to be growing as if we were doing absolutely nothing to stop its expanse into neighboring yards (gasp!), or our trash can that remains curbside until late evening, the toys littering the backyard, the blow-up pool forming dead grass patches in our yard, or lastly, the garage door that is still dented from my minor parking miscalculation this past winter? Why the heck did we not get a flag?!?!?!

To bring this tangent back to Brian - the suburban thief...Rather than looking like the anti-American neighbors on the block, Brian pulled one of the four flags that were put up along the bushes at the center of our circle and proudly, (and very discreetly) stuck the very small American flag that more than likely won't last through the Fourth into the bed mix of pretty flowers and unidentified weeds at the base of our mailbox. Yes, we are American. Yes, we live in suburbia. And, yes, Brian is willing to steal in a very vain attempt to blend in with the natives. This is what suburbia has reduced us to - American flag theft! The horror!!!

Sad, but true - all the cheap American flags in the world cannot blend our little family into suburbia. The song from Sesame Street comes to mind - "One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just isn't the same..." We stand out with our oil spots, lame landscaping and our obvious disregard for the unspoken rules of suburban life including but not limited to my personal love of small, furry animals and Brian's interest in loud motor engines. BUT - we have a flag waving at the base of our mailbox just like our surrounding suburbanites. And, that's all that really matters in life, isn't it???