I've been searching through some mom blogs covering the topic of frugality by finding a good blog and following the links. I stumbled upon on blog that was so sad. This new mom was ready to throw in the towel and return to work. Her little baby was going to full time daycare all because she didn't feel rewarded as a SAHM. And, she was bored. Bored with baby and bored with keeping the house. Bored.
Bored: "weariness, and disinterest in, life" - according to the Webster Dictionary. What I want to know is HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? This is the second, no, make that the third, mom I've either read about or talked with recently that just doesn't get the whole SAHM thing. I mean, if you really understand what a mother is - what her role is - then, how can you be bored? Bored enough to give up and go back to the now traditional way of mothering - via an underpaid substitute, i.e. daycare. Are things around the house really that uninteresting?
I have a million thoughts on this subject, but I'll spare you all a lengthy post of my ramblings and just ask this question, er, questions:
Do you find yourself bored as a mother? And, what do you think the role of a mother is within the family? What's our purpose for getting married and having all these babies?
I think our reasons for having a family - for becoming "Mama"- is going to drastically effect the "boredom factor" for each of us. But, I want to hear from you ladies first...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
I personally do not find myself bored. I love being at home (which works out since I don't have a car) and trying to be JUNE Cleaver. LOL However, my neighbor w/four is out everyday. She belongs to a homeschooling coop (or something like that) and the other day her daughter told me they were going somewhere for a cooking lesson. Not that is the COOLEST thing ever - but she socializes everyday.
Sometimes I do miss more adult interaction, but I also don't really have any friends here. I have neighbors that I talk to, but nobody I hang out with on a regular basis.
I almost feel scared to put what our role as a mother is after being on the diaper boards!LOL Whew, those mommas take it personal if you at all have strong opinions on anything regarding child rearing!
However, I feel that as a Mom it is my duty and priveledge to take care of my husband and children. I think about the most meaningful way I can impact this world; what more meaningful way than to give the world men and women that I have mentored from the day they were born? Love and nurtured, cried and prayed over, fed and bathed,... you get the drift.
I always think about my place in this world and in time (I drive my husband crazy always thinking this grande). Most people in other countries spend all day long just to earn a fraction of the amount my husband does in one day (and we live below the poverty line or right above). Women working hard labor w/babies on thier back. Women living in mud huts and having to worry about men coming and raping her and her children. Civil unrest and areas torn w/war. Women worrying about how they or their children will eat and survive.
And YOUR bored???? Go move to another country for a few days and get some perspective on life. (feels so good to be able to rant as I'm always on those darn pc boards)
I was bored when Makayla was born. I didn't know what to do with myself. Even after I went to work, I would get bored in the evenings while Tim was working. I even thought I would get bored staying home with Ruben, but now I don't want to leave the house during the day because I have so much to do.
Since I gave my life to Christ, I have a new prospective on life. I have a new creativity that I never knew I had. I can't wait until we settle somewhere, then I can get going full force.
The American way is to work, and so those moms will not feel settled until they are doing what everybody else is doing. They may feel inadequate being at home. AND a lot of these moms are probably watching daytime soaps and talk shows and/or sick of keeping up with household chores. That would get VERY boring after a couple of weeks! I only turn the TV on in the morning for Ruben while I am getting everyone ready.
In conclusion, these moms need to find a new meaning in their life...take up a hobby, create new things, let their minds venture, live in my house...here the work is NEVER done.
Maybe you should leave our blog addresses in their comments so they can see how we are not boring...just a little off our rockers :)
Web site you asked about is aboverubies.org (or just google above rubies) They definitly are all about being fruitful and multiplying, but you should be able to find a lot of articles encouraging your role as wife and mother.
I have never really been bored, but I have felt overwhelmed by the responsibility of mothering and being the good, little housewife. I think faith in Jesus gives the Christian mom a different spin on our role. We don't fall under feminist views and understand Eve's part in creation - to be Adam's help and partner in life. (And, you all know that doesn't mean doormat wife without a brain!!!) With that view we value the hidden person of the heart over highly visual achievements such a career promotion or having a fancy title that demands recognition. And, with such readings as the Proverbs 31 woman we have very different goals than a mom that understands her role from the world's perspective.
I've met a lot of moms in churches and out of churches and it seems the ones without faith in God -not possessing the bigger picture of children being a blessing from God, ours to instruct and mentor in Him - have a vain view of mothering. Which is why stay-at-home-moms usually aren't home! They are involved in a million activities and at times are more hurried as a "SAHM" than if they had a full-time job. Moms in my neighborhood rush from game to game, event to event and struggle to keep the house from spilling out the front door while they speed through another McDonald's drive through for yet another quick dinner.
I've just begun to understand how much my attitude and perspectives as a mother effects Brian and the kids. If I have my act together life flows with ease...when I slack, the family and life in our home goes down hill quickly. I know this all goes back to the reason I stay home, no, make that the reason I am a mother (forget this "stay home" crap!) - and that reason is because God blessed me with four beautiful children and a loving husband. It is my calling - my mandate- to love them and to use my gifts and skills in this life to be a blessing to them.
Taking the humble road without the titles and high-paying career wasn't a difficult choice for me at all. I just think some mothers underestimate their responsibilites within the home and b/c they don't get the importance of their role in God the family suffers with a bored Mama, disinterested in what God has blessed her with. Bored with the blessing right at her fingertips.
At first, I felt guilty being home while Tim had to go off to a place he'd rather not be. I had worked since I was 16. I guess it was instilled in my head that that's how it would always and was suppose to be. Tim has to occasionally remind me that I am here to watch our new son and that it's not cost effective for me to work.
This is an interesting topic. One that I've encountered before with many other mom friends. I think we have to tread lightly sometimes when someone says they are "bored" as a stay at home mom and are returning to work. It's much easier to be "bored" or "unrewarded" than postpartum depressed or unable to financially swing it at home on one income to the outside world. Our society is slow to recognize the role of mothers at home and even fellow moms won't always own up to the challenge that it is, especially to new moms they encounter. Instead, usually everyone will say, "Isn't it wonderful to have a baby!! Aren't you so happy." Those comments leave no room for the mom who may be struggling, to comment on how exhausted she may feel or that maybe it's not quite as "wonderful" as she expected during her pregnancy. I think many moms return to work out of anxiety and feelings of inadequacy in mothering, not always losing the identity that they once had before children. It takes time to learn the new lifestyle of being at home and it can be an uphill battle for those moms who still have all of their friends at work or worse yet all of their friends at work with babies. Then they can get the "What do you do all day?" from good friends. Motherhood requires sacrifice and many are unwilling to make those tough choices when they bring another human being into this world. I think the challenge for at home mothers is to balance the focus on your children with your continued needs as a person to grow and learn and develop. Motherhood changes who you are in many aspects and you have to incorporate that into your vision of your self. You have to retain that image of your self through the process of mothering so that when your kids take flight you know who you are and where you are going. I don't think moms involved in activities are vain. I do think many families do too much and do not have balance. They do not protect good 'ol family time like they should, but an occasional frantic fast food meal isn't the worst case scenario as long as it's occasional! :) I've met many fantastic Christian moms on the sidelines of the soccer field. Their children are thier lives and family is their greatest blessing. What's often overlooked these days is that the modern SAHM is now fill-in mother for so many other kids. I have many friends who pick up kids and get them to practice while their parents are still at work. It's usually SAHM's that are the backbone of the kids' activities and programs at school, scouts, and other programs for ALL kids. I think this is because usually if you are at home, you are kid focused. As my kids have grown older, we limit their activities to protect family time, but we also encourage activities because we hope they grow beyond us. To do this we know they need to explore and be exposed to many things and as they get older they will need many mentors along the way. We will always be there to provide safety and guidance and insight. A great example of this process is that our oldest plays trumpet, something neither I or his father can do.
I think if you're bored, it's your responsibility to solve that problem. (At least that's what I tell the boys!) I usually always have something I'm working on, but I do have periods of burn-out with the monotony of repeating, non-ending housework. I've never been one to get all excited about the glowing whiteness of our freshly laundered underwear. I just want to get it done and off my mind. I don't feel a great sense of accomplishment from housework other than I like that my boys don't go to school "commando" and I enjoy the lowered stress level of a clean house. Of course, we all know that laundry is never done. I do know that I've made the best decision staying home with my boys. I have no doubts in that department. However, I am a person who likes to be involved and I like to work on other projects that have a beginning and ending and a feeling of immediate accomplishment. With kiddos, you're gonna' wait eighteen years before you know how it all turns out. I think for many families, especially ones without family nearby, their kids' activities are a new kind of social life and feeling of community that they miss by not living near extended family. Many of these families are also strong Christian families and many go to church together, too. When you are at home, you are not working towards a promotion or a bonus. You do what is best for the people that live in your home. You provide the pages for their stories to be written on. Society in general is in a hurried and non-contented state. It's our job as a mom to teach our kids how to find the joy in the boring little moments of the day and for us to realize that these little moments all bind together to build a foundation for our children called their childhood. We can't afford to waste a second of our time with them in our home allowing boredom to rob us of this time with them. ~Your sister
Well said everyone! I think everyone's point of views for this topic covers it all. Hopefully, a struggling SAHM will come across this and be inspired...I am.
Post a Comment